/?/

I'm tired of hearing sirens, gun shots, and "taps" out outside my window. They are reminders that there are always people in distress. These.... thoughts are not coherent././././.
neither is the punctuationnnnn.
I am so TIRED of evvvverything in my life being un balanced.
Very very.

but.

"thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life""thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life""thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life"

"life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it"

"___________________"

everything is: ....!...!...?..."__", *


and here I am: /?/

everything is in code.

stop.

For Cody

Little star, so you had to go.
You must have wanted him to know.
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing.
Now they know.
Little star,
I had to close my eyes.
There was a fire at the warehouse.
They're always waiting for a thing like this.
Came driving from all over town,
For you, little star.

Little star
So you had to go
You must have wanted him to know
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing
And now they know

...For you, little star

I miss you. So much.

An Attempt

I went on a shopping trip for grocieries the other day. I usually hate grocery shopping. Especially going through the frozen food section, where I get to freeze my ass off. But this trip was different. I only bought things that could improve body and mind. I've been wanting to make a diet change for a while. I have been eating lots and lots crap this year. I make my body do so many things. It's about time I do something for my body. I bought some Kashi, a couple of yummy Bolthouse drinks, V8 Fusion, Vitamin Water, lots of organic snacks, carrots, whole wheat bread, fat-free organic milk, and even some chicken to cook for the first time ever! Now, because I bought lots of organic stuff, the total ended up being much more expensive. But, I guess I'm ok with this. I feel better today because I didn't eat crap.
Consumed today: whole wheat Kashi waffles, 2 lean pockets, a bolthouse drink, cinnamon pita chips, milk.

OK. It's a work in progress. But at least I didnt eat Wendy's or donuts.
I'm not going on a diet to lose weight. Are you kidding? I don't need to lose weight. I could, however, use more energy throughout the day, and not have hypoglycemic episodes when I down too much sugar.
Hope this lasts!

Oh- and I had 3 pieces of gum. But it's for artistic purposes. See the above photo? Yeah, that's made of gum. ; )

Gross... but awesome.

Em

stop it.

I am so fucking livid.
But... that's all I'm going to say. Because I can keep the rest of the thoughts TO MYSELF!

I Hate Valentine's Day.

I am so anti-Valentine's Day.
It gives so many people false hopes about relationships and such. AND, Hallmark and flower companies make a killing off this damn "holiday."
Before Jewel did crack and thought country music was a good idea, she wrote this:

Valentine's Day
Wish I had a sweetheart
It's Valentine's Day
Didn't even get a stinkin' card
It's Valentine's Day
I just have to say
I hate Valentine's Day
It's Valentine's Day
And I didn't get no chocolate
It's Valentine's Day
If I had a heart I'd hock it
It's Valentine's Day
All I have to say
I hate Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day
And I hope it finds you healthy
It's Valentine's Day
I'm glad your stinkin' girlfriend's wealthy
It's Valentine's Day
I just love to say
I hate fuckin' Valentine's Day

Well said. Except... I don't want a card or chocolates or flowers or a disgusting bear that say's 'i love you' when you squeeze it's paw. I don't even want a "sweetheart."
In the end, all the sweethearts out there grow weary of us girls.

Valentine's day can shove it.

ANTM- OK.

OK-
So, along with applying to spend a semester abroad, I've also decided to audition for America's Next Top Model.
...done laughing? Ok, moving along...
I had thought about it, and I didn't think much of going all the way to NYC or making a video of myself to send in, but there are actually auditions being held on my spring break in Pittsburgh. I'll be in MD, and I've got some good friends in Pitt I should be visiting anyway. So, what the hell, eh?

This weekend has turned out to be a bit of a letdown. It was supposed to be great... but c'est la vie. Good thing I'm used to being left hanging with plans that don't happen. But, on top of that little mistake, I have to be at strike in a few hours, and ugh, I just don't wanna. I'd really love to continue cleaning my apartment and organizing my life (which, by the by, is getting better and more hectic everyday!) But it's only a Hedrick show, so it can't take that long, right? Shit. I just jinxed myself, didn't I?

If you want, you can check out the ANTM application website here: http://cwtv.com/thecw/topmodel-cycle11-Casting

Em

Alright, Let's Do This.

God Bless Across The Universe. Seriously. That film is amazing. Moreso, the mindset the film puts you in if you totally let yourself be a part of it is amazing. Peace, zen, love, happiness, clarity... I wish it was the '60s. I feel like I would have fit in better then. All this new technology is great, but I am SUCH a down-to-earth girl. Literally. I would just love to frolick in fields of grass (or strawberries).
I adore nature and natural things. I wish I had more time in my life to feel connected with everything in nature. Lately I just feel like the things revolving around me are papers, classes, and errands. Yuck. I want to swim in a lake and climb a tree and scrape my knees and get bug bites. That's totally what kind of kid I was. I was a fearless little tomboy who loved playing in the woods in my backyard. I was the kind of kid to pick up worms and wiggle them in front of the other girls to watch them go "ewwww!" and run away. I was an evil little girl. Hahaha...
But, ya know, kids are SO fearless. It's amazing. Think about it. You've seen plenty of toddlers trip over their own two feet and fall on the cement sidewalk and get right back up, bloody knees and all. I've done that on an escalator and got 3 holes poked into my cartalidge in my knee and I remember thinking "ow." And I kept moving. It wasn't until I saw blood gushing down my leg and the look of horror on my mother's face that I began to cry. I've also flown on planes before. Yeah. Once to Idaho when I was 11, and to Hawaii when I was 8. No fear. I remember it being a pleasant experience.
Know what aided in giving me this fear of flying? That damn movie "Final Destination." Ugh.
Anyways, so now I have to figure out how to make this thing happen. How am I going to fly from one continent to the other? This may sound silly to anyone else, but this is the scariest thing I've ever planned for myself. But I keep telling myself that if something has the ability to both scare and thrill me, it MUST be worth it.


Em

(That picture at the top is me in a helicopter in Hawaii. Proof!)

FunDip and Scaffolding

There are days when I wonder why I chose theatre... why I still choose theatre. Life would be so much simpler if I went to college for a regular major. I would always have weekends free. I could visit home more often. I wouldn't have to worry about auditions on top of finals, or the whole applied theatre system. I could just have class Monday thru Friday and go to parties on the weekends.

But... that's boring.

I wasn't called to come in to work on the set tonight, but I had heard that A LOT of help was needed to get the show up and running by Tuesday night. So, as opposed to sitting on the couch watching TV and hoping everything would get done, I decided to go on in and help. I brought FunDip with me... which may as well have been crack. Because everyone's mood just shifted from UGH to WOO after that sugary sugary burst of awesomeness. I got to do and witness things that made me giggle so hard that I nearly peed. These things include: watching Jordan eat paint only to realize it was latex rather than waterbase, crawling around the scaffolding like a monkey in ways a scaffolding should NEVER be used unless your're trying to reach really strange places to paint, seeing Dave straddle the scaffolding AND a ladder to paint, getting stabbed in the neck by Amanda with a brush, millions of bad puns and Bob Dylan impressions, getting blue paint on my nose while hanging upside down on the scaffolding and wearing it the rest of the night, and seeing all the FunDip go to good use.

People are so much more productive when they show up for something on their own accord, rather than being scheduled to be there. I include myself in this generalization. Maybe next work call, I'll just pretend I don't have to be there... and bring FunDip.

2 days till ATU!!!!!!!


Em