Brain Go BOOM!!!

Okay, my head isn't exploding so much as leaking profusely. Leaking happiness, fun, smiles, and frolicking. All that good stuff is on a nice, steady drip out of my head as I replace it with spanish words, lines, and people who founded theatre companies in the 1960s.
I'd like to run as fast as I can into a wall if it didn't hurt so much.
I hate hate hate finals. And I especially hate the not-knowing if I'll pass one particular course or not. Finals are a terrible state of limbo. During this limbo, every ounce of my being is trying to procrastinate and distract. Eat food! Play tetris! Check Facebook! Check MySpace! Call someone! Check Livejournal... UPDATE LIVEJOURNAL!!... etc. Going to the bathroom is even a procrastination tactic at this point.
And freedom is SO close! Being home, days on the beach, rekindling friendships is soooo close!! But sooo very very far.
Must... return... focus... back... to... making... a million... flashcards

Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed...

Everyday I get reminded that in less than 5 months, I'll be living in England. LIVING in England. Sometimes I get super excited and think about all the places I want to go, and other times I just get really nervous about being so so far away from everything I know. I think that at heart I am an adventurer, I just have a soft, gooey, protective bubble on the outside. (Ew, I'd make for a disgusting candy!) Though, you know, I'm sure once I get there all this worrying will have seemed oh so silly... but right now I can't even fathom what being overseas will feel like.
i still think doing this is a good idea. I feel like I've started to lose myself in the monotony of college (just like I had towards the end of highschool, and just like I had while working 3 jobs in between highschool and college). Towards the end of something, the end is all I can see. It's a bad habit. And I think giving myself a WHOLE new environment will invigorate my desire to do things I'm passionate about, and perhaps learn to be passionate about new things as well. Who knows?

This summer will be... interesting. Originally, I had wanted to spend my last summer before graduation with everything and everyone who was familiar to me, back home in Silver Spring. I wanted to have quality time with my Mom and Cody, and just make sure to cherish everything I was about to vacation from for 4 months. But... things changed. A lot. All starting with a terrible emotional blow, everything back home doesn't seem as sunny as it did at the beginning of the year. It seems my Mom is moving once again in July, and while I'm glad to spend time with her, I can't help but wonder how I'll feel not being with certain people I have spent my last two summers with. I thought about scrapping the living-at-home idea entirely, and spending the summer in Salisbury or Pittsburgh; the two towns that have provided fantastic summers for me over the last two years. But then I realized that I would just be doing that in hopes to recreate those summers, and that's not something that is possible. So, Silver Spring it is. I'll take classes, attempt to rekindle old friendships, visit places that hold strong childhood memories, and just try to take some time for myself and reflect. I'll also be taking my first flight in many many years this summer as a practice flight before heading to Europe. I guess it's time to open my eyes...

I hope you'll visit me.

Emilie

One Week.

Must... find... motivation.
Ahh! I have so much work to do this week it makes me crazy!
At least I had an amazing weekend- it makes my soul hurt less when I have to cram spanish words into my head and pull out a decent theatre history paper. Just gotta make it through this week...
At least the days are brighter... even if the whole weekend was overcast. : )

/?/

I'm tired of hearing sirens, gun shots, and "taps" out outside my window. They are reminders that there are always people in distress. These.... thoughts are not coherent././././.
neither is the punctuationnnnn.
I am so TIRED of evvvverything in my life being un balanced.
Very very.

but.

"thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life""thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life""thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life"

"life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it"

"___________________"

everything is: ....!...!...?..."__", *


and here I am: /?/

everything is in code.

stop.

For Cody

Little star, so you had to go.
You must have wanted him to know.
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing.
Now they know.
Little star,
I had to close my eyes.
There was a fire at the warehouse.
They're always waiting for a thing like this.
Came driving from all over town,
For you, little star.

Little star
So you had to go
You must have wanted him to know
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing
And now they know

...For you, little star

I miss you. So much.