/?/

I'm tired of hearing sirens, gun shots, and "taps" out outside my window. They are reminders that there are always people in distress. These.... thoughts are not coherent././././.
neither is the punctuationnnnn.
I am so TIRED of evvvverything in my life being un balanced.
Very very.

but.

"thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life""thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life""thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life" "thats life" "thats life" thats life" "thats life" thats life" thats life"

"life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it" "life is not fair life is never fair" "deal with it" "move on" "tomorrows a new day" "thats the way the cookie crumbles" "ces't la vie" "oh well" "too bad" "the hell with it"

"___________________"

everything is: ....!...!...?..."__", *


and here I am: /?/

everything is in code.

stop.

For Cody

Little star, so you had to go.
You must have wanted him to know.
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing.
Now they know.
Little star,
I had to close my eyes.
There was a fire at the warehouse.
They're always waiting for a thing like this.
Came driving from all over town,
For you, little star.

Little star
So you had to go
You must have wanted him to know
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing
And now they know

...For you, little star

I miss you. So much.

An Attempt

I went on a shopping trip for grocieries the other day. I usually hate grocery shopping. Especially going through the frozen food section, where I get to freeze my ass off. But this trip was different. I only bought things that could improve body and mind. I've been wanting to make a diet change for a while. I have been eating lots and lots crap this year. I make my body do so many things. It's about time I do something for my body. I bought some Kashi, a couple of yummy Bolthouse drinks, V8 Fusion, Vitamin Water, lots of organic snacks, carrots, whole wheat bread, fat-free organic milk, and even some chicken to cook for the first time ever! Now, because I bought lots of organic stuff, the total ended up being much more expensive. But, I guess I'm ok with this. I feel better today because I didn't eat crap.
Consumed today: whole wheat Kashi waffles, 2 lean pockets, a bolthouse drink, cinnamon pita chips, milk.

OK. It's a work in progress. But at least I didnt eat Wendy's or donuts.
I'm not going on a diet to lose weight. Are you kidding? I don't need to lose weight. I could, however, use more energy throughout the day, and not have hypoglycemic episodes when I down too much sugar.
Hope this lasts!

Oh- and I had 3 pieces of gum. But it's for artistic purposes. See the above photo? Yeah, that's made of gum. ; )

Gross... but awesome.

Em

stop it.

I am so fucking livid.
But... that's all I'm going to say. Because I can keep the rest of the thoughts TO MYSELF!

I Hate Valentine's Day.

I am so anti-Valentine's Day.
It gives so many people false hopes about relationships and such. AND, Hallmark and flower companies make a killing off this damn "holiday."
Before Jewel did crack and thought country music was a good idea, she wrote this:

Valentine's Day
Wish I had a sweetheart
It's Valentine's Day
Didn't even get a stinkin' card
It's Valentine's Day
I just have to say
I hate Valentine's Day
It's Valentine's Day
And I didn't get no chocolate
It's Valentine's Day
If I had a heart I'd hock it
It's Valentine's Day
All I have to say
I hate Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's Day
And I hope it finds you healthy
It's Valentine's Day
I'm glad your stinkin' girlfriend's wealthy
It's Valentine's Day
I just love to say
I hate fuckin' Valentine's Day

Well said. Except... I don't want a card or chocolates or flowers or a disgusting bear that say's 'i love you' when you squeeze it's paw. I don't even want a "sweetheart."
In the end, all the sweethearts out there grow weary of us girls.

Valentine's day can shove it.

ANTM- OK.

OK-
So, along with applying to spend a semester abroad, I've also decided to audition for America's Next Top Model.
...done laughing? Ok, moving along...
I had thought about it, and I didn't think much of going all the way to NYC or making a video of myself to send in, but there are actually auditions being held on my spring break in Pittsburgh. I'll be in MD, and I've got some good friends in Pitt I should be visiting anyway. So, what the hell, eh?

This weekend has turned out to be a bit of a letdown. It was supposed to be great... but c'est la vie. Good thing I'm used to being left hanging with plans that don't happen. But, on top of that little mistake, I have to be at strike in a few hours, and ugh, I just don't wanna. I'd really love to continue cleaning my apartment and organizing my life (which, by the by, is getting better and more hectic everyday!) But it's only a Hedrick show, so it can't take that long, right? Shit. I just jinxed myself, didn't I?

If you want, you can check out the ANTM application website here: http://cwtv.com/thecw/topmodel-cycle11-Casting

Em